The Andy Somers Homepage - Now in COLOR!
Inspired by a "moving to the south from the north" guide:


The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions,
The West has Communes.

The North has manicurists,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails,
The West has tattoo artists.

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names,
The West had double-entendres for names.

The North has Champaign,
The South has Pabst Blue Ribbon,
The West has Mocha Latte's

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races,
The West has electric vehicle races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits,
The West has granola.

The North has tennis courts,
The South has fishing holes,
The West has yoga studios.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens
The West has Arugala, pine nuts, and goat cheese, served with a light vinegrette dressing.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish,
The West has shrimp sushi.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt,
The West has black belts in Tai Chi.

The North has manufacturing,
The South has Agriculture,
The West has...hmmm... what the fuck do we do here anyway?

Notes on moving to the west:

1) Right-on, far-out, and Bitchin' all mean the same thing.

2) That hamburger you're eating might be made with no meat at all in it.

3) If you need to make a left turn, try to get into the left lane 3 or 4 blocks 
before you have to make your turn. If you are trying to make a left turn where there 
is no traffic signal, bring a book to read because you may be at the intersection awhile.

4) When you're a pedestrian, walk really slow through the crosswalks. When you're driving, 
get really pissed at the people walking really slow through the crosswalks.

5) When it rains, people run inside, because rain is scary.

6) Appropriate clothing is a T-shirt and Shorts. Even in winter.

7) If you wear a tie, people will think you're a Mormon missionary. Even the FBI agents 
and insurance salesmen don't wear ties here.

8) "Sushi" means "cold raw fish to eat".

9) Instead of church, people attend Yoga, combining their spirituality with 
their workout, saving time.

10) Don't assume someone's gender based solely on their appearance - think of people 
here like a big box of chocolates - you don't know what you've got till you bite into one!
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