Odd Things Andy Says

Andy says: "most authors spend years writing really long books, and then someone takes one sentance from that really long book to quote, and it's that little quotes that people remember the author by forever ...well, then! Forget writing the whole book! Let's go straight to the quotes instead!":

Listed here are Andy quotes, thoughts, and jokes in reverse chronological order. Those of particular interest are in bold.
Where there's a problem, there is a solution,
and the solution is usually based on a good solvent like ethanol. — 2019
Have a nice day.

In fact, have TWO, they're giving them away free this week... — 2019
People ask which is better, love? or lust?
I say, why not both! — 2019
If you need the "Promise of Heaven" just to be good to others,
then you are sick, twisted, and deranged. — 2018
The GOP is no longer "The Party of ABE"
it has become "The Party of ABuse" — 2018
You can't make a reasoned argument
to a person with no reason. — 2016
If you find you can't merge Religion with Reality,
the problem is not Reality.

The problem is Religion. — 2012
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

...Like sushi or ice cream. — 2009
"I hate birthdays - they make you older" - 2005
"God told me to let everyone know he doesn't exist." - 2005
"When shopping for a new bible, remember to thump it, to see if it's ripe." - 2005
"The greatest folly of human existence is the ease with which we can be made to believe, and even fight for, a lie - provided that lie is something we want to hear." - 2004
"Was Christ a great man, or did he just have a good publicist?"- 2004
"Laugh, and the world will think you're looney" - 2003
"War is a symptom of failed foreign policy." - 2003
"Life is a road full of pot holes and toll booths, and at it's end is absolutely nothing." - 2003
"A.D.H.D. is not a disability - It is a higher state of mind." - 2003
"Gone to heaven? Must be nice to believe in fairy tails - I wish I could." - 2002
"Are there things that are really neater than sliced bread?

Or are those things really only neater than a bread slicer?" - 2002
"If a guy visiting a girl's house has to put the toilet seat back down after using the bathroom, how come a girl visiting a guys house doesn't have to put it back up??" - 2002
"If some people can use the temporary insanity defense, why can't I use the temporary stupidity defense?" - 2002
"Save a tree - be aphorist!" -2002
Life is just an illusion anyway, so why sweat it? - 2002
"Action is more powerful than thought"- 2002
"The question is, do mind expanding drugs create curious minds,
or do people with curious minds experiment with mind expanding drugs?" - 2002
"To be old is to have been young" - 2002
"A child likes the sweetness of candy, but the mature palette appreciates the dichotomy of sweet and sour.
- Pure young love is sweet, but real passion comes from a balance of love and hate, fear and hope, desire and contentment." - 2000
"Why was the blond searching frantically throught the kitchen?

Because she couldn't find the ice cubes she left out just a few hours before..." - 1997
"I used to think I was a sociopath, but it made me feel so guilty..." - 1994
"Have one of those 'nice days' you've heard so much about!" - 1993
"Everything we are today, we were 100,000 years ago as cave men and women." -1992
"I don't believe in god, I believe in chaos theory..." - 1991
"I could never believe in a god that gave me a free thinking mind, and then condemned me for using it." - 1990
"The biggest problem with the 'Legalize Marijuana' movement is that it's run by potheads." - 1989

(EDIT: I said that as a sorta-true joke in 1989, but Rob Kampia and the MPP completely changed the reform movement with a professional lobbyist approach, and the results are astounding. Three cheers!)
"The Universe is VERY VERY simple but FAR FAR too complex for the human mind to comprehend." - 1988
"I think I broke my brain" - 1984
The above quotes are Copyright © 1984 thru 2019 by Andrew M. Somers, all rights reserved
Return to my home page

Quotes that I happen to like by actual famous people:

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." - Charles Darwin
"Genius is 2% inspiration and 98% perspiration" - Edison

(It should be noted that I otherwise despise Edison.)
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." - Coolidge
"I'd rather be an idiot that does stuff than a genius that does nothing". -Shannon Wheeler
"The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this." --Albert Einstein, "My First Impression of the U.S.A.", 1921
"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." - Abraham Lincoln Speech, 18 Dec. 1840
Searching for an amazing actor? Andrew Somers is classically trained, and experienced in live improv and immersive theater in addition to on camera. He's also a writer and film editor, and makes amazing choices to help you tell your story.