Odd Things Andy Says

Andy says: "Most authors spend years writing really long books, and then someone takes one sentance from that really long book as a quote, and it's that little quote that people remember the author by forever...

Well, then! Forget writing the whole book — let's skip the middle man and go straight to the quotes instead!"

Listed here are Andy quotes, thoughts, and jokes in reverse chronological order. Some are in bold, because at some point I thought it was more relevant to something.

ATTRIBUTION: by Andrew Somers
In a War of Words, Victory Goes
to Those That Listen First.
Ignorance: Don’t Tolerate it—Obliterate it.
Truth is a rare commodity,
yet we can't run out of it
no matter how much we share it.
Give Truth Freely.
Welcome to Hollywood,
where you can see the air,
so you know it's there.
But aren't we all insane and the
world is just our asylum...
Where there's a problem, there is a
solution, and solutions are usually based
on a good solvent, like ethanol.
Have a nice day.

In fact, have TWO, they're giving
them away free this week...
People ask which is better, love? or lust?
I say, why not both!
If you need the "Promise of Heaven"
just to be good to others, then you
are sick, twisted, and deranged.
The GOP is no longer "The Party of ABE"
it has become "The Party of ABuse"
You can't make a reasoned argument
to a person with no reason.
If you find you can't integrate
Religion with Reality,
the problem is not Reality.

The problem is Religion.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

...Like sushi or ice cream.
"I hate birthdays — they make you older"
"God told me to let everyone know
that he doesn't exist."
"When shopping for a new bible, remember
to thump it, to see if it's ripe."
"The greatest folly of human existence is the
ease with which we can be made to believe,
and even fight for, a lie — provided that lie
is something we want to hear."
"Was Christ a great man, or did he
just have a really good publicist?"
"Laugh, and the world will think you're looney"
"War is a symptom of failed foreign policy."
"Life is a road full of pot holes
and toll booths, and at it's end
is absolutely nothing."
"A.D.H.D. is not a disability —
It is a higher state of mind."
"Gone to heaven? It must be nice to believe
in fairy tails — I wish I could."
"Are there things that are really
neater than sliced bread?

Or are those things really only
neater than a bread slicer?"
"If a guy visiting a girl's house has to put the toilet seat back down after using the bathroom, how come a girl visiting a guy's house doesn't have to put it back up??"
"If some people can use the temporary insanity defense, why can't I use the temporary stupidity defense?"
"Save a tree — be aphorist!"
Life is just an illusion anyway,
so why sweat it?
"Action is more powerful than thought"
"To be old is to have been young"
"Why was the blond searching frantically throughout the kitchen?

Because she couldn't find the ice cubes she left out just a few hours before..."
"Have one of those 'nice days'
you've heard so much about!"
"I don't believe in god,
I believe in chaos theory..."
"I could never believe in a god
that gave me a free thinking mind,
and then condemned me for using it."
"The biggest problem with the 'Legalize Marijuana' movement is that it's run by potheads."

"The Universe is VERY VERY simple
but FAR FAR too complex for the
human mind to comprehend."
"I think I broke my brain"
The above quotes are Copyright © 1984 thru 2019
by Andrew M. Somers. All Rights Reserved
Email: me@andysomers.com
Return to my home page

Quotes that Andy Likes, but that
are from actual famous people:

"It is not the strongest of the species that
survives, nor the most intelligent, but the
one most responsive to change."
"Genius is 2% inspiration and 98% perspiration"
(It should be noted that I otherwise despise Edison.)
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
"I'd rather be an idiot that does stuff than a genius that does nothing".
"The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this."
"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded."